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September 30th, 2005

Posted by annabellamush at 01:43 AM on September 30, 2005.

1. French and Indian War: 1756 French and Britain formally declared war, conflicts in North America spread to colonial possessions in the Caribbean, Pacific and India, when it widened however
it became known as the Seven Years War, or the Great War for the empire.
2.
Albany Plan of Union: Formed amongst representatives from New England colonies, New York, Maryland and Pennsylvania in 1754 to deal with French troops and negotiate alliances with the Iroquois. Unsucessful because representatives self serving agendas and Iroquois angered and broke off all proposed alliances
3. Edward Braddock: British commander in chief Major who in 1755 met with governors from eight colonies to plan the eviction of French from
North America
4.
Fort Dusquesne: French fort in Ohio Valley where Edward Braddock set out against, annihilated by French and Indians
5. Acadians: expelled by British troops, they dispersed into the countryside and down the
St. Lawrence River, settled near New Orleans, cajuns
6. Lord Loudon: Braddock's replacement who arrived in
North America in 1756, initially he was unsuccessful. Favored highly organized campaigns with soldier's fighting in formation.
7. William Pitt: The new secretary of state in late 1757 responsible for the wary until its end in 1761. Pitt offered compromise: in return for colonial commitment and obedience in the field, he promised reimbursements to the assemblies in proportion to their contributions, more decntralized command of the colonial militia, and the removal of Loudon.
8. Treaty of
Paris, 1763: Brought the Great War for Empire to an end. Under it, French regained sugar islands Martinique and Guadeloupe in Caribbean, but lost all claim to land east of the Mississippi River and gave Spain all French lands to the west of the river, plus the city of New Orleans
9. Ethan Allen: leader of Mountain Boys, aftr treaty of
Paris clashed with rising tide of migrants from New Hampshire and New york until they forged Vermont in 1777.
10.
Pontiacs Rebellion: Ottawa Chief Pontiac brought together tribes from Michigan to western New York in May 1763, and led them to Brfitish garrisons of Fort Niagara in order to drive Europeans
massacred over two thousand settlers in upper
Michigan
11. Proclamation of 1763: after Rebellion, acknowledgement of British politcal control over the region, Proclamation Line also drawn extended fronm the farthest northern tip of
Maine to the southernmost parts of Georgia
12. NC Regulator Movement: attempted to close the county courts that heard cases against debtors, believed taxes be levied in proportino to what the land could grow,
not the number of acres, and beleived farmers should be allowed to pay tazes in the goods they produced from the forests and soil
13. Battle of Alamance: 1770 Governor William Tyron raised large company of eastern militia to march west against the regulators, and met at the battle of Alamance Tyron victorious but
violence had already continued to brew and failed at extracting oaths of allegiance to the crown from the nearly 7000 western North Carolinian families.
Rethinking Empire 1763-1765
14. Writs of Assistance: English officials believed that their power depended on enforcing colonial economic obedience and political subordination. WOA permitted port collectors to inspect ships'

holds and merchants' warehouses for illegal goods.
15. James Otis: a prominent lawyer from a highly reputable familiy who assailed the writs as an invasion of private property, violated "the [unwritten] English Constitution", Parliament disagree
16. Revenue Act: act from secretary Lord Bute which prohibited crown appointed customs officials from subcontracting their jobs to other men, who depended on bribes from merchants
the act also authorized Royal Navy ship captains to seize all British vessels trading at french islands
17. George Grenville: 1763 new secretary, widely unpopular because attempted ot arrest John Wilkes for seditious libel, then public demanded freedom of the press, tried to raise taxes, landowners refused

18. Sugar Act: 1764 Grenville ministry's extended the terms of the Revenue Act. Combined battle against smuggling with the search for revenue. foreign sugar, molasses and rum had been taxed at higher levels than equivalent British goods in hope of making British commodities more competitive.
19. Currency Act: prohibited colonists from printing any more paper money, and ordered the withdrawal of existing colonial currency from circulation by 1769
20. Quartering Act: added by Grenville in 17675, authorized army commanders to requisition supplies from assemblies and build barracks for troops and quarter them in public buildings and taverns.
21. Stamp Act: in 1765 under Grenville, imposed taxes on printed items, but also on internal commerce, the colonists daily exchanges of necessary goods and services.
22. External Taxes: taxes on international commerce
23. Internal taxes: delegated to elected officials by free consent, taxation on internal business and property
24. Virtual representation: The british representatives represented "on behalf" of the colonists, but the colonists had no true voice in Parliament
25. Patrick Henry: May 1765, call to defy Parliament
26.
Virginia Resolves: Henry's interpretation that Virginians enjoyed the privilege of British citizens, like self taxation. And that any laws originating outside their colony did not require Virginians obedience and that they should refuse to pay the stamp tax.
27. Loyal Nine: August 1765, in
Boston group of merchants artisans and shopkeepers who organized a mass demonstration against Andrew Oliver
28. Andrew Oliver:
Boston's colony stamp distributor
29. Thomas Hutchinson: Lieutenant Governor of
Boston, who's home was mobbed by the Loyal Nine
30. Sons of
Liberty: coalition of urban dissenters who sought to bring together citizens throughout North America against the Stamp Act.
31. Samuel Adams: Apart of Sons of Liberty, influential
32. Stamp Act Congress: held by Sons of Liberty in October 1765, formed the Declaration of Grievances, setting forth their ideas of the proper limits of the British Government, they stated that Parliament did not have the rights to tax colonists without their legislative consent.
33. Non Importation Agreements: first in October 1765, women joined protest and hundreds of consumers in NY agreed to halt merchants’ orders for British goods, then
Boston and Philadelphia joined in
34. Lord ROckingham: 1765, replaced Grenville and he decided to repeal stamp act, but then added the Declaratory Act,
35. Declaratory Act: a strong restatement of it's sovereign power to "bind the colonies and people of
America in all cases whatsoever."
36.
New York Suspending Act: 1767 when Parliament passed a restraining act, suspending the assembly's activities until it supplied the resident army regiments (?)
37. Charles Townshend: 1767 received ministry, shifted focus of colonial taxation in two ways. First, instead of using taxes to pay war debts and soldiers, he used them to pay salaries of colonial governors etc.  Second, Townshend assigned the taxes not to internal trade, but external.
38. Townshend Acts: a tax on imports which translated into huge financial sacrifices for the colonists
39. Board of Customs Commissioners: Est. by Parliament, to enforce the Townshend Duties
40. Admiralty Courts: est. by parliament in
Halifax, Boston, Philadelphia, and Charlestown to hear cases of trade violations (furthered Townshend Duties)
41. The
Liberty:
42. John Dickinson: lashed out against the Townshend Duties in 1768 Letters from a Farmer in Pennsylvania, that argued that parliament was almost always justified in regulating trade but never justified in raising revenue on trade without obtaining the colonists' consent.
43. Republicanism: many colonists believed that the Townshend Duties were part of a deeper pattern of British tyranny where parliamentary reps aimed to deprive colonists of cherished rights and liberties. They informed that it was not enough for the British form of gov't to stipulate certain limitations on power and liberties, but they encroach tyranny...
44. Circular letter: Sons of
Liberty sent around during 1768, Samuel Adams sent to all colonial assemblies proposing a united plea for repeal of the Townshend Duties and another pan colonial congress. King got ahold, then they suspended assemblies.
45. Daughters of Liberty: Women who pledged not to use British imports esp. tea and women of elite and middling means and professed that the greatest threat to their individual virtue was excessive consumption of luxury goods
46. Lord North: prime ministry in 1769
47.
Boston Massacre: March 5 1770 crowd and Captain Preston positioned in front of sentry, soldiers began to fire and killed eleven citizens
48. Gaspee Incident: British Schooner came to
Rhode Island, the crew arrested colonists who violated the Sugar act, and the residents burned the Gaspee
49. Committees of Correspondence: warned neighboring colonies about these kind of incidents, the Resistance leaders used the committees as conduits of propaganda
50. East India Company: one of the two largest corporations in the world that held a monopoly on English tea importation from the
East Indies, bankruptcy and decided that they needed to buy more company tea
51. Tea Act: waived the company’s obligation to pay import duties at English ports, and permitted the company to sell tea directly to colonists without middlemen, merchants could not compete with favoritism and low tea prices
52. Boston Tea party:
December 16 1768, about fifty men boarded the Dartmouth and hacked forty five tons of tea out of the wooden crates
53. Coercive Acts: 1774, Parliament responded with four coercive acts, colonists called intolerable acts, 1. Port bill closed Boston's harbor until the colonists paid for the ruined tea. 2. Government Act annulled the colonial charter made upper house delegates subject to governor’s appointment, and restricted town meetings to once a ear. 3. a New Quartering Act ordered the colony to garrison soldiers in barracks or private homes. 4. The Administration of Justice act (Murder Act) permitted crown officials who had been accused of serious crimes to be tried in courts outside the mainland colonies.
54.
Quebec Act: 1774, granted Canadians freedom of religion, restored old French civil law, allowed Canadians to hold crown appointed offices and extended the jurisdiction of Quebec's governor into the Ohio valley.
55. Day of Fasting and Prayer
56. First Continental Congress: 1774, convened in
Philadelphia, met to discuss Coercive Acts.
57.
Suffolk Resolves: declared colonial resistance to the Coercive Acts and announced preparations for a military defense against British tyranny
58. Continental Association: halted importation of British goods after
December 1, 1774, and ceased exportation of colonial commodities after September 1 1775


59.
Lexington and Concord: 70 minutemen met the redcoats and thousands of Bostonians and country inhabitants came together to seize the British garrison.
60.
Breed's Hill: Thousands of patriots fortified Breed's Hill on the north side of Boston near Charles town on June 16. They were assaulted the next day by General William Howe's redcoats. This battle became known as Battle of Bunker Hill, costly victory for British but Americans began to realize their skills.
61.
Ft. Ticonderoga: May 1775, Vermont's Green Mountain Boys under Ethan Allan, Connecticut's militia led by Captain Benedict Arnold, and Massachusetts militia surprised and captured British garrison at Fort Ticonderoga on Lake Champlain New York.
62. Second Continental Congress: May 1775, in
Philadelphia "Confederate Colonies" met. Reps were chosen by colonial assemblies to deliberate about matters of mutual concern to all Americans. After Georgia hesitantly joined, 13 colonies were represented.
63. Olive Branch Petition: presented on
July 5, 1775 by John Dickinson, a document delegates voted to send to George III affirming colonial loyalty to the monarch, asking that British army hostilities cease, and proposing a sincere discussion of differences.
64.
Quebec Siege: in 1775, two regiments of Continental Army went to Quebec but were defeated and utter failure. The siege was a hard lesson in warfare and sore test of republic principles.
65. Declaration of
Independence: July 4 the twelve colonies approved the revised draft of the Declaration of Independence. Established the fundamental republican principles on which patriots rested their actions, Jefferson wrote about "self evident truths" embodying the "inalienable rights" of citizens, rights each citizen enjoyed from birth that could not be taken away by any ruling authority. Governments obtained their just powers from the consent of the governed, and as John Locke had taught, could be overthrown if they violated the trust and consent of the people.
67. Adv/Disadv to both sides:
Advantage to Militia: Home terrain, identify and intimidate loyalist neighbors for support, "rage for liberty"
Disadvantage for British Army: marched far from home, served longer terms than those of militia
Disadvantage of Militia: lack of deference for commanding officers, relatively untrained and poorly armed
Advantage for British army: better trained, well armed
68. William Howe: General for British army
69. Richard Howe: Admiral Richard Howe commanded British troops
70.
Battle of New York: British soldiers won stinging victory over the Continentals in the Battle of Long Island on August 27, 1776
71. "The American Crisis":
72.
Trenton: Where George Washington launched his surprise attack on celebrating Hessians stationed at Trenton New Jersey.
73.
Princeton; Second victory on January 3 for Washington forced British evacuation of NJ.
74. Marquis de Lafayette: French foreign volunteer who helped create an increasingly professional continental army
75. John Burgoyne: British General John Burgoyne "Gentleman Johnny" marched south to troy and win control of New York, but American militiamen laid hundreds of trees across trails starving British troops and then on October 17 patriot militias overwhelmed weary British troops, decimated British.
76. Barry St. Leger:
77. Benedict Arnold: marched 1000 American militiamen and Continentals gained
Fort Schuyler in August 1777
78. Horatio Gates: American General who won the Victory at
Saratoga
79.
Saratoga: Victory at Saratoga when Births John Burgoyne tried to take NY but Continental army routed them--turning point in war because demonstrated that colonial militias and Continental Army could rout large British forces
80.Treaty of Amity and Commerce
81. Treaty of
Alliance
82.
Valley Forge: wretched winter of 1777-1778 exacerbated all the problems related to recruiting and sustaining the army. A severe test of military endurance and civilian support, and defining moment of the American commitment to political independence and republican character
83. Baron von Steuben: Prussian officer committed to the American cause who trained Continental troops in field duty and distributed a drill manual to intermediate officers that helped prepare the rank and file for more efficient fighting.
84. Gnl.Henry Clinton: British general pulled out of
Philadelphia on North's order to concentrate forces in NYC
85.
Battle of Monmouth Courthouse: in NJ late June 1778, many women joined the Continentals in battle, including Mary Ludwig Hays "Molly Pitcher"
86. Loyalist (Tories): Patriots called Tory - an epithet that once identified die hard defenders of absolute monarchy
87. Patriots:
88. Lord Dunmore: loyalist Virginian governor, denounced separation as illegal and unconstitutional
89. Camp followers: Nearly twenty thousand women, marched along with troops as cooks, washerwomen, and nurses
90. Financing the War: first tried to print paper money, but money lost value and unsuccessful. Congress gave certificates to wealthy individual Americans, loan offices, French and Dutch loans
91. State constitution: Patriots lodged most authority in separate provinces, therefore Americans began writing new state constitutions, 1777 they began to reflect more conservative reasoning, and despite differences the political culture became more democratic. Some incorporated ideals of individual rights, suffrage, elections, officeholders, etc.
92. Egalitarianism vs. the "natural aristocracy":
93. Articles of Confederation: 1781- last,
Maryland signed. set strict limits on the powers of Congress, stipulated that each province would have one vote in national assembly, each province sent 2-7 delegates to the new Confederation Congress
94. Continentals: patriots
95. Robert Morris: wealthy merchant who became superintendent of finance in May 1781, chartered first private commercial bank in
America, the BNA, deposited silver, gold, and bills loaned by Holland and France and a lot of his own money, and proposed granting Congress authority to tax
96. Joseph Brant: Mohawk Chief who, in alliance with the Seneca, helped loyalists and British troops raid patriot villages on the
Pennsylvania and New York frontier
97. Surrender of Charles Town:  taken by Cornwallis from Benjamin Lincoln and his five thousand Continentals in May 1780- single greatest surrender of the war
98. Charles Cornwallis: Lord, took Charles town
99.Bannister Tarelton: Loyalist who had marauder loyalists under him, chased about 350 patriots toward
North Carolina border summer 1780
100. The "swamp fox": Francis Marion in fall of 1780 recruited hundreds of patriot backcountry settlers from remote areas--with Greene
101. Nathanael Greene: General Nathanael Greene under George Washington who entered
South Carolina by land with a small number of continentals in October 1780
102. Daniel Morgan: patriot who Greene sent three hundred rifleman men with, along with
marion
103. Cowpens:
South Carolina, Morgan met Tarleton on January 17,1781, morgan decimated Tarletons in an armed cavalry of a bewildering array of choreographed moves
104.
Battle of Guilford Courthouse: March 15, 1781 Cornwallis held ground against Greene's combined forces, but shallow victory, troops exhausted
105.
Yorktown: Clinton still held NYC after the siege at Yorktown, he resigned in Nov. 1781 and King George recognized American independence in March 1782
106. Rochambeau:
107. Admiral De Grasse:
108. Treaty of
Paris: 1782, recognized US to be free and Sovereign and independent States, Canada remained British, but US extended to the Mississippi

109. Newburgh Conspiracy – January 1783, group of prominent officers petitioned Congress to commute their pensions into a single payment of five years’ full pay, George Washington had to calm troops and they agreed not to take action

110. Gradual emancipation – Pennsylvania (1780), Connecticut, Rhode Island , New York (1799), New Jersey (1804), allowed slaves all offspring of slaves could claim freedom at certain ages

111. Manumission – individual masters could manumit slaves beginning in 1782, and by 1810 about 1/5 of Maryland’s slaves had been freed

112. Elizabeth FreemanMassachusetts former slave who sued her master for her freedom in 1781, she won and became a domestic servant earning wages

113. NJ constitution – last northern state to grant gradual emancipation in 1804

114. Judith Sargent Murray –insisted women “should be taught to depend on their own efforts, for the procurement of an establishment in life”

115. The Republican Motherhood –1780’s idealized qualities based on the idea that women were morally superior to men and equipped with a better facility with reading and writing--equipped women to be “republican wives” and “republican mothers” who gained higher stature within middle class and elite families, and bore moral responsibility to nurture husbands and sons in these qualities

116. VA statute for Religious Freedom -

117. Post-war economic slump

118. Debtors vs. creditors -

119. Shay’s Rebellion –Farmers protested high taxesJanuary 25, 1787 Shays marched 1500 men toward Springfield to capture its 450 tons of military stores, state milita opened heavy artillery fire, state legislature passed the Riot Act

120. Land Ordinance – 1784 – Jefferson drafted to divide West into ten territories and to guarantee settlers self rule, also provided that a territory that had achieved a population equal to the smallest of the revolutionary states could become a state---congress defeated this plan

121. Northwest Ordinance -1785, provided for land surveys to divide land into townships of 36 sections, $1 per acre, this gave Congress sorely needed revenues and attracted small farm families, Northwest Ordinance 1785 modified in 1787 to divide the area into three to five territories, give a structured government, and prohibit slavery in these new lands

122. 2nd Treaty of Fort Stanwix -

123. Right of deposit

124. Annapolis Convention - 1786, delegates from four mid Atlantic states and Virginia arrived and New Yorker ALexander Hamilton immediately presented a report on international trade

125. Philadelphia Convention –mid May, mid September 1787, Washington presided, most delegates came to revise articles, but some leaders were determined to achieve more far reaching changes in the structure and functioning of the American republic.

126. James Madison –spoke at convention, recorded speeches, drafted an initial plan that proposed Virginia Plan

127. Virginia Plan - a strong national government with one central consolidated authority over the aggregate interests of the community, bicameral legislature with representation in both house apportioned according to population, congress would veto state laws that contradict national ones, but could not tax citizens or regulate trade

128. New Jersey Plan –proposed by William Patterson of New Jersey, this alternative would preserve existing Confederation structure; grant new authority to tax domestic trade, domestic goods, regulate commerce. Most importantly, each state would have one vote in a unicameral Congress, which would guard against influence by populous states, VA, PA, Mass.

129. Great Compromise –July 12 proposed by Roger Sherman of Connecticut, accepted proportional representation for the lower house of Congress, but gave each state equal representation in the upper house, terms of office shortened to two y6ears for house of reps, six years for senate, four years for the executive, established electoral college and federalism

130. electoral college  - electoral college composed of all reps and senators,

131. Necessary and proper clause – Article 1, sections 8&10, available for Congress’s use in cases convention delegates could not foresee or immediately decide one, provoked many disputes in years to come

132. 3/5 compromise –representation in the lower house of Congress would be determined by each state’s free population plus three fifths of all other persons, namely slaves

133. Slave Trade Compromise - southerners won guarantee that for the next twenty years, the slave trade would continue with the inclusion of the words “the migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit.”

134. Federalism -the sharing of power between the states and central government

135. Separation of Powers -

136. Checks and Balances

137. Ratification process – Delaware, Pennsylvania, and NJ ratified Constitution in December 1787, Georgia and Connecticut followed in Jan 1788, Massachusetts at 6th after deep controversy,  Maryland and SC with strong majority, June 21 New Hampshire very slimly, New York and New Jersey secured with 10 votes margin, NC ratified 1789, Rhode Island 1790

138. Federalists –supporters of the constitution, claimed argued that government should have significant degree of power over the lives of Americans because local governments succumbed to mischief of petty interests that refused to compromise for the greater good

139. Anti-federalists –opponents to the Constitution, argued for wide dispersal of power, George Clinton and Patrick Henry, to them republican rhetoric taught Americans that selfish interests of men in political power easily corrupted governments, warned against monied interests and distant authority that would be created by Constitution

140. The Federalist –series of federalist path breaking essays by Madison, Hamilton and Jay, defended central measures in the Constitution and depicted a bold new vision of federal power and government structure

141. The Federalist no. 10 –took its starting point a widely shared republican idea that political factions or parties were wrong because they represented only partial interests, however they would inevitably rise in any republic, furthermore people should not put public virtue first, but serve their self interests, above all else, and they would not seek to destroy but to regulate these interests, bold departure from the traditional belief that governments and economies could survive only if they remained small

142. Bill of Rights – special provisions to protect individual rights and popular sovereignty, pressured by ant federalists, June 1789 Congress considered Madison’s list and in 1791 approved—prohibited government from establishing religion, guaranteed freedom of speech, press, assembly, petition, quartering, un reasonable searches, etc.

143. George Washington’s precedents -

144. Judiciary Act of 1789 –established a six justice Supreme Court, thirteen district courts, and three circuit courts that would hear cases appealed from the states

145. Chisolm v. Georgia

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December 11th, 2004

What she doesn't know will kill you

Posted by annabellamush at 03:07 AM on December 11, 2004.

What she doesn't know will kill you
by Matt Brochu

November 21, 2003

You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that "Suga how you get so fly" song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don't know why she's there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen's house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn't know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a "Buddy Alert" is, you've rigged your computer to play "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" from "Tommy Boy" every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn't know.

She's it. All right, so maybe not "it" it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right-up-there-with-Anna-Kournikova-and-Lizzie-McGuire-on-your-list-of-people-you'd-give-anything-to-be-stranded-with-on-a-broken-down-elevator. But it's about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn't know.

She's gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you're startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a "Where's Waldo" sort of way. More like you can't stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can't remotely begin to describe something ... someone ... so inherently amazing. But you're a writer. You can describe anything. That's what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you're afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you'll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't mind that the questioning, "Hello?" on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn't mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn't mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. ... because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don't mind that you've slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn't know.

Sure, she's pretty, but it's about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what's going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she's ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can't remember your teaching assistant's name, and you can't remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it's because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn't know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you're hung over. You could kick his butt, and you've never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn't know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn't know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You've been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you're the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don't deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn't know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she'll never know. You get that feeling that you'll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes "Sleepless in Seattle" look like "Girls Gone Wild."

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn't know. You're not in love. You're not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it's about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it's about time you know*.

Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.

Matt Brochu is a Collegian columnist.

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